The Clouds Roll In
It sneaks up on me
every year. There’s a cloud that rolls over my soul right around Thanksgiving.
It usually blows in with the first wintery weather. The first few years I was
ready. Around the middle of November I would steel myself against the feelings
I knew were coming. I would tell anyone who would listen how rough the next few
weeks would be for me. I anticipated the waves of grief that would threaten to
pull me under on the anniversary of the death of my son, Matthew. I would try
to fill my schedule as much as possible, trying to drown out the sorrow with a
flurry of activity. I would work myself
into a frenzy worrying about how hard the day would be. The dreaded day would come, and I
would get through. I would breathe, and realize that I had made it through another
year since that horrible day.
It’s now been
twenty-five years since that fateful day. Years of day-to-day routines have
carved out a new normal. Now the cloud is more subtle. Little signs of the
grief cloud start to creep into my days. I get sluggish and sleepy. It’s easier
and easier to sit in the chair and watch TV, or sleep much more than normal. I
get impatient and irritable. Little things that normally wouldn’t bother me get
under my skin. I am tempted to just zone out and let the world pass me by. When
I notice these tendencies, and look at the calendar, I make the connection. If
it is close to December 5, I know the reason for this downward spiral.
Faced with these
effects of grief, even after all these years, what do I do? How do I cope?
While there is nothing wrong with remembering the day and feeling sad, I can’t
get stuck in feelings of self-pity or thoughts of what might have been. I have
found some important things to focus on to help me get through the times when
the cloud of grief rolls in.
One is to take
care of my physical health. I need to make a concentrated effort to eat right,
exercise, and drink plenty of water. While eating junk can provide a temporary
emotional comfort, it is not good for my long term health and well-being.
Another thing that
helps during these times of sadness is to take some action to benefit some
group or individual not connected to me. Pitching in to help some group or
cause gets the focus off of me. I never have to look far to find someone less
fortunate that could use some help.
A gratitude list
is a tool that is very helpful in adjusting my perspective, my attitude, and my
mindset. I am blessed beyond measure. I have a safe, warm, comfortable home. I
have loving parents and two beautiful daughters. I have an enjoyable,
fulfilling job that makes a difference in people’s lives. I have much to be
thankful for. I have a caring, supportive church family. I have a constant
companion in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He has promised to never leave me
or forsake me.
When I focus on
the hope that I have in Christ, the cloud of grief and sadness dissipates. The
light of Christ’s mercy and grace pierces the darkness that threatens when I am
reminded of the day when my son died. The promise of eternity free from sorrow
and pain lifts my head and restores my joy.
`He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
There will be no more death or mourning or
crying or pain, for the old order of things
has passed away.
Revelation
21: 4 NIV
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