Bits of Glass

  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.   Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  Ephesians 4:31-32   My eyes were dry from days of crying.   My world had been shaken, turned upside down.   Everything I knew as normal was gone.   An out of control car on an icy road had crossed the median into our path.   My son was dead.   My husband was in a hospital bed.   The doctors’ words were, “He’s not stable,” and “Only time will tell.” I had lost my son.   It was a real possibility that I would lose my husband.   I wondered how my grieving mind and body could nurture the unborn baby I carried.   How could I endure any more loss? I struggled to focus on the conversation at the table.   My mother’s neighbor was speaking.  She was a  solemn lady who seldom smiled. She was telling the story of the loss of her son years ago.   I listened as intently as my grief-clo

Eager little boys hung on every word the man said.   Their eyes were sparkling with anticipation and excitement.   They could hardly wait for the coach to finish explaining so they could run and hit and throw.   Parents stood to the side, proudly watching their budding baseball stars. I was focused on my own little star.   He was first in line and not so patiently waiting as the coach explained the concept of running bases.   “This is home.   Run as fast as you can to first.   Make sure you touch the base.   Run as fast as you can to second, then to third, and then back home.   Make sure you touch every base.”   The coach pointed to the orange cones serving as bases on the makeshift baseball diamond in the middle of the park.   This was the first practice for the first time T-ballers.   Tennis balls and orange cones substituted for baseballs and bases.   The coach looked at Matthew, who was now bouncing up and down, not able to contain his excitement.   “Are you ready?   Go!”

I watched my two little girls enjoying their baskets full of candy and bunnies.   We sat in the living room, me in pajamas, the girls in mismatched play clothes.   We tried to be quiet so we would not awaken the sleeping giant that was my husband and their father.   He had given strict instructions the night before that he was to be allowed to sleep.   When asked about the girls Easter baskets, he said, “Video tape it for me.   I want to sleep.”   I knew better than to ask about church.   Crossing him would bring yelling, cursing, and probably a beating.   It was best to let the giant sleep.      I knew in my heart this was not how Easter should be.   I knew in my heart this was not how life should be.   I had prayed for months that God would show me what to do.   If I was to stay things had to change.   If I was to get out it would take divine intervention.   Although I couldn’t see it, God was answering my prayers.   He was standing ready to rescue me and my two toddler dau

          For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.   As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.   Isaiah 55:8-9 This is not how I thought it would be .   I was nineteen and hopelessly in love, and I imagined happily ever after.   Reality brought heartache, betrayal, and abuse.   Reality brought criminal activity, my husband’s arrest and imprisonment.   Reality brought divorce, something I’d sworn I’d never do. This is not how I thought it would be .   When that perfect baby boy was born I imagined his future to be bright.   I just knew he was built for football!   I was certain we would have many happy years together.   Reality brought a wreck on an icy road.   Reality brought funeral plans for a five-year old.   This is not how I thought it would be .   When my ex-husband got out of prison he looked so good.   He was clean and sober.   He had a job.   He