Bits of Glass

I couldn't believe my eyes. There it was. The popular expression that I was determined to eliminate from my children's vocabulary was printed in big bold letters across the front of my friend's t-shirt.  I couldn't ever imagine her using that exclamation, much less wearing it on her clothing. As I tried to process this troubling sight, I looked up to see her husband. He was wearing a matching shirt. Something was definitely wrong here.  Imagine my relief when my friend turned around and walked away from me. The back of her shirt explained it all:

"I married him twice." The revelation of this shocking detail results in some interesting looks on the faces of those who hear it. Efforts to keep their jaws from dropping and their eyebrows from raising contort their countenances into some caricature-worthy expressions.  Usually this juicy bit of information is shared after the hearer knows the back story of betrayal and abuse experienced in my first (and consequently second) marriage. I imagine the thoughts that must be running through the listener's  mind. She looks smarter than that. What was she thinking? I bet she wishes she had that to do over again. The abbreviated version is this: I married the man of my dreams when I was nineteen.  The dream quickly became a nightmare. He was manipulative and abusive. He was addicted and criminal. I was naïve and stubborn; and thoroughly convinced I could love him enough to fix him. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I felt stupid.  When I was twenty-three he was

I miss this face. This little boy would be thirty-two years old today. It's been too long since I've seen him. It's been too long since I've seen that smile or heard that laugh. I wonder what grown-up Matthew would be like? I'm pretty sure the brown eyes would sill sparkle, and that crooked grin would still melt my heart. I'm pretty sure he would be protective of his sisters. What I don't know is what his teen-age and adult choices would have been. Were there some unpleasant consequences that he was spared from by being taken at the age of five? So many questions remain unanswered. What kind of young-man would he be? Kind-hearted? Most-likely. Generous? Probably so. Hard-headed? I'm pretty sure. Would his teenage and young adult years brought trouble? The hard answer is: probably so. This precious boy in his five short years witnessed domestic violence, and saw his dad arrested and imprisoned. As a young mother, I was overwhelmed and not the pa

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.  Genesis 1:1 NIV This was the first verse in a new scripture reading/writing plan I started on January 1. The first three words stuck in my head for several days.  New Year's Day gets all the attention, but life is full of beginnings.   A quick glance at my social media shows friends and family members experiencing:  the beginning of life as a parent the beginning   of a marriage the beginning of a new job the beginning of retirement the beginning of life in a new city the beginning of life without a loved one the beginning of life with a scary medical diagnosis the beginning of life as a single parent  As I copied verses from the first chapter of Genesis I contemplated God's incredible work of creation. In the beginning there was nothing--then six days later there was light and dark. There was earth and sky, land and sea, plants and trees, living creatures, man

"I never knew you were a single mom," a woman told me as we walked across the church parking lot after a youth activity our teenagers were involved in. I considered her statement a compliment.  Her words implied to me that our family appeared normal. (What is normal anyway?) As a single parent, I often felt inadequate. I worried that my parenting efforts would glare like a flashing neon sign, "This mom is a screw-up." I was afraid that my mistakes would forever damage my children. In the midst of those worries I pleaded with God to help me. Over and over I relied on His promise to be father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). The fact that this woman had known me for a couple of years and did not know I was a single parent suggested to me that He was keeping his promise. "With all you've been through....and you walk around with a smile on your face!" These words from a new colleague were another reminder of God's faithfulness. When I