Thirty-two?

-


I miss this face. This little boy would be thirty-two years old today. It's been too long since I've seen him. It's been too long since I've seen that smile or heard that laugh. I wonder what grown-up Matthew would be like? I'm pretty sure the brown eyes would sill sparkle, and that crooked grin would still melt my heart. I'm pretty sure he would be protective of his sisters.

What I don't know is what his teen-age and adult choices would have been. Were there some unpleasant consequences that he was spared from by being taken at the age of five? So many questions remain unanswered. What kind of young-man would he be? Kind-hearted? Most-likely. Generous? Probably so. Hard-headed? I'm pretty sure.

Would his teenage and young adult years brought trouble? The hard answer is: probably so. This precious boy in his five short years witnessed domestic violence, and saw his dad arrested and imprisoned. As a young mother, I was overwhelmed and not the parent he deserved.

In the middle of the chaos, Matthew and I shared lots of love and laughter. Twenty-six years has not faded the memory of his smile or the stories that make me chuckle. I'll never know what adult Matthew would be like, but this I do know: I will see him again one day. When we are reunited it will be forever. In heaven there will be no more sorrow!

God has not wasted the experience of losing Matthew. From that heartbreak, I learned that God is truly as strong and as faithful as He says He is. From that terrible day, I learned not to be afraid. God brought me through the hardest thing I could imagine. If He can carry me through that, and still give me strength to walk in joy alongside sorrow, then I know there is nothing too big for Him.

Happy birthday, Matthew. I love you, I miss you, I look forward to the day I see you again!

 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:3-4














Comments

  1. JeannetteJanuary 14, 2019 at 12:34 PM

    Oh Michelle I have wondered those same things since we lost him. I'm pretty sure he would be loving,compassionate and as full of mischief as he was his young self.
    I miss him and those beautiful eyes and the big hugs he always gave me. As you talked about his teenage years they might have been rough but I don't know,
    He was such a loving boy to humans and animals alike I want to say I think he might have been an angel loaned to us.
    I know we'll see him one day and it will be joyful.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownJanuary 14, 2019 at 8:31 PM

    Such faith you have after such heartache. If I could be half as strong as you, I'd be happy! Prayers for you as you look back through your memories.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

No Smell of Fire

-
Image
"I never knew you were a single mom," a woman told me as we walked across the church parking lot after a youth activity our teenagers were involved in. I considered her statement a compliment.  Her words implied to me that our family appeared normal. (What is normal anyway?) As a single parent, I often felt inadequate. I worried that my parenting efforts would glare like a flashing neon sign, "This mom is a screw-up." I was afraid that my mistakes would forever damage my children. In the midst of those worries I pleaded with God to help me. Over and over I relied on His promise to be father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). The fact that this woman had known me for a couple of years and did not know I was a single parent suggested to me that He was keeping his promise. "With all you've been through....and you walk around with a smile on your face!" These words from a new colleague were another reminder of God's faithfulness. When I
Read more

Mowing in the Dark

-
Image
I knew I had procrastinated too long. The yard was a jungle. I had used every excuse to put off this task, but today was the day it must be done. The neighbors had all mowed. I had the lone unkempt, tall grassland on the block. I started late in the evening. Unfortunately, because I was cutting a jungle, it was slow going. Every few steps required that I slow down, raise the mower to blow out the grass, then repeat. By the time I got to the last section of my yard, the sun was setting quickly. When I was about half-way through that part, the only light was from the streetlight in the corner.  As I guess-mowed, I thought about light sources and mowing. ( I know, my brain is weird ) When I mow the yard in the sunlight, I can see well. It's easy to see where the grass needs to be cut and use that as a guide to know where to turn. I can see fallen twigs, the neighbor kid's nerf darts, and the wire from the old sprinkler head that I mowed over last time. In the sunlight I
Read more